Back To “Normal”
SO for the past 8 months this talent competition has been a featured part of my life. Because of contracts, I wasn’t aloud to tell anyone about it for months and months, however, that made it all the more exciting. I would tell my friends and co-workers that i was off to another wedding and secretly I’d be going back and forth from auditions. Yes in-between each phase, I would return to my “normal life” going to my day job, attending classes at BYU, but it was different; I always had this pending adventure resting in the forefront of my mind. I always had something that I was looking forward to and I was constantly aware that I was in the process of chasing my dream. I was so incredibly excited for this round in particular and I have been looking forward to it for months.
Well, I admit that the things that were said to me on live, national TV were extremely hurtful. I was devastated at the results and it was almost serial that something that had nearly consumed my life for so long was instantaneously gone. Yes it was painful, and a bit humiliating; however, I had to relearn where it was that I drew my strength. Was it from this faulty fake world of glitz and glam, big hair, make-up and celebrity judges, or was it from things that are real? Through heartfelt prayer I reminded myself that I am a daughter of God and that he was proud of me. After publicly being ripped apart, I left the theater and I was embraced by the people that love me. My family and friends had come quite a ways to see me and they were so proud of me. That’s what’s really important. These people know and love me for who I am and for the love I’ve given them.
As hard as it was, that night made me remember what is real, whats important and what truly does bring happiness. Yes the glamor was extremely fun, and I loved it, I’m not going to lie, but what brings a real and lasting joy is our relationships with God, and our love for his other children he has put in our lives. Its people; friends and family that fulfil us. All else, fame, popularity, beauty, is so fleeting. For me, I had all those things when I walked onto that stage to perform. I’m not going to lie, I looked pretty good, and I felt like a celebrity; however, all those things were immediately stolen from me the minute a judge opened his mouth. They were taken from me because….they aren’t real. My family, my love for other people and my belief in God’s love for me and his plan are things that no one can steal from me. I’ve had to realize that minus the external factors of playing the violin, being famous, or looking like a model…its enough to be me.
I still go through ups and downs, and I still slightly cringe when I replay certain vivid memories in my mind, however, I am fine. I will move on, and I will be made better through this experience because, I know what truly brings joy.
In all honestly, the whole experience was so much fun, and i met amazing people that i will keep in touch with for years to come. I learned a ton and I really did have a blast. (I’ll talk about it more when I am aloud to). I went back to work for the first time yesterday. I work as a counselor for troubled teenage girls at a residential treatment center. It was good to see my girls after a week of absence and they were all excited to see me. It was the first time in 8 months that I was at work without this pending adventure in the near future. Of course, I am not going to stop playing, and I will continue to chase my little dreams but for now, I am just normal Lindsey again and…that’s enough.